Sorry but that was funny!
Welcome to the forum.
Ok, let's start with some simple diagnostic stuff. You should try to get the numeric error code, it would be good to know it, although there are plenty of things we can do (that don't cost much at all) without that info.
Does it blow any smoke? What colour?
Does the engine "hunt" when idling - the revs rise and fall noticeably?
When does it happen? Is it only happening when you accelerate hard? What happens if you accelerate very gently? With about half a tank of fuel in the car (or less), take off the fuel cap and try making it happen again. Does it?
Have you put any injector cleaner through it? Try a bottle of Liqui Moly Fuel System Treatment. Drive it for 100-200km (be mostly gentle).
There are a number of other things to look at, like turbocharger control - possible vac loss in the actuator control, the engine requires 3m of 3mm vac hose and just match the lengths and re-do it yourself.
The BCS might be faulty and not able to control the turbocharger. Test this by removing the vac hose that comes across the engine and connecting it to the top of the turbocharger (the round gold device with the black hose is the actuator that opens and closes the turbocharger's vanes). If the car behaves more normally (don't drive around like this for too long, just long enough to see if it's better) then your BCS may have failed. This might just be an electrical fault (uncommon, unplug and replug it to find out) or the BCS has failed (common). I've replaced my BCS with a Tillix valve.
There's a few things for ya. Let us know some more about it.